Stories captivated me as a child. I found solace in the vivid imagery of music, TV, and film, often believing the fairytales and narratives I encountered were real. Without the guidance to see these as stories—not blueprints for life—I carried their lessons into adulthood. They shaped my misguided beliefs about love, partnership, and parenting.
By 22, I was a mother to two daughters, determined to provide a materially better life than the one I had known. But emotionally, I was unequipped. My childhood, marked by trauma and the survival-driven instincts it instilled, had left me without the tools to connect deeply. I focused on “making it,” while missing the emotional aspects that make a person whole.
This part of the Inner Child Series—featuring Fiery Orange Chicken, Forgotten at the Bayou, and Panda’s Storytime—explores the themes of survival, addiction, and emotional healing. Through striking color palettes and deeply personal narratives, these works reflect how I confronted the masks I wore, the stories I internalized, and the cycles I was determined to break.
Maslow’s Pyramid and the Trap of Survival Mode
Many of us live at the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a psychological framework that illustrates the levels of human motivation. The bottom tier—physiological and safety needs—represents survival. For trauma survivors, living at this level often feels inevitable. The brain, as explained in The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, adapts to trauma by prioritizing safety at all costs. This hyper-focus on survival can lead to coping mechanisms that numb pain or create a sense of control but prevent emotional growth.
For me, this showed up in perfectionism, shopping, and an extreme need for control. These “addictions” became masks—ways to hide my emotions, avoid vulnerability, and maintain the illusion that I had everything together. But the masks came at a cost: exhaustion, imposter syndrome, and disconnection from myself and others.
The Masks We Wear: Addiction and Emotional Survival
A mask, in psychological terms, is the persona we present to the world—polished, curated, and designed to gain acceptance or avoid rejection. Beneath the mask lies the shadow self, the parts of us we suppress or deny. While the mask protects us in the short term, it often leads to deeper feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
Addiction as a Mask
Addictions, whether to substances or behaviors, often stem from a need to escape pain or fill an emotional void. While some addictions, like alcohol or drugs, are more overt, others—like perfectionism, shopping, or even people-pleasing—are equally consuming. My own struggles with these behaviors were rooted in a desperate search for validation and control, fueled by a fearful-avoidant attachment style that made closeness feel both necessary and threatening.
Art as a Mirror: Confronting Survival Mechanisms
Art became my way of peeling back the layers of these masks and confronting the shadow self. Each piece in this part of the Inner Child Series reflects a facet of survival and the journey toward healing:
- Fiery Orange Chicken: This piece embodies the comforts we cling to in survival mode. Inspired by a nostalgic childhood dish, its bold oranges and blues represent the solace found in familiar things, even when they don’t address deeper wounds. The vibrant energy of the colors mirrors the warmth I sought in material comforts, masking the emotional void beneath.
- Forgotten at the Bayou: Revisiting the fairytale of the Frog Prince, this work reflects the pain of seeking external validation. The frog’s blood-diamond tears symbolize the heartbreak of waiting for a rescuer who never comes. The lush greens and purples invite introspection, challenging viewers to find fulfillment within rather than in others.
- Panda’s Storytime: Inspired by cross-cultural storytelling, this piece reflects the role of narratives in survival. As a child, stories became a refuge from chaos, offering glimpses of safety and connection. With its calming reds and earthy tones, this work celebrates the power to rewrite our own stories, no longer trapped by the scripts of the past.
Healing Beyond Survival
Recognizing that I was stuck in survival mode was a turning point. Therapy helped me see how the perfectionism and control I clung to were symptoms of unprocessed trauma. Reading The Body Keeps the Score illuminated how my mind and body had adapted to protect me—but also how those adaptations were holding me back. Art became my way of externalizing emotions I couldn’t yet name and climbing Maslow’s pyramid toward belonging, esteem, and self-actualization.
Emerging from the Shadows
These works remind us that survival is only the first step. To thrive, we must confront the shadow self, peel back the masks, and rewrite the narratives that no longer serve us. For me, Fiery Orange Chicken, Forgotten at the Bayou, and Panda’s Storytime represent the process of breaking cycles—not just for myself but for my daughters and future generations. Through color, storytelling, and reflection, I found a way to reconnect with my inner self and move toward wholeness.
What masks do you wear? How might your own survival mechanisms be holding you back? These questions are at the heart of this series—and they invite you to begin your own journey of healing.
Call to Action
Discover how these colorful narratives can inspire your journey of healing and self-reflection. Explore the Inner Child Series in the virtual exhibition today.
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